My MRT picture is, as predicted, now featured in the Mirror Project. Actually, that wasn’t too hard to predict, since they pretty much take any picture that features a reflection of the photographer. I still enjoy it, though. It’s spontaneous photography for the most part, since more and more people are keeping tiny digital cameras with them at all times, and anyway do you honestly plan to find a mirror to take pictures of?

My friend Mindcrime, aka Chris, has published his version of last Saturday, for all of you conspiracy theorists out there who are interested in a “grassy knoll” angle on that fateful day, as well as an account of his Episode II-watching experience. Unfortunately, audiences in Hsinchu tend to be a little more, shall we say, provincial when it comes to theater behavior, although there was one plastic-bag man in the theater when we saw the movie at Warner Village I came very close to throwing something at. Fortunately for him, I didn’t have anything throwable with me at the time. But such examples are far more rare in Taipei than they are in a place like Hsinchu, where, I suspect, you can’t even find frozen TV dinners. Then again, you probably don’t have as many insufferable snobs and arrogant business-types in the smaller towns as you find in Taipei. It’s a bit of a trade-off, in any case.

My roommate, not Lin Jia-wen but the Studio Classroom guy, said that they want to interview me for their magazine/radio program. He gave me a list of questions his co-worker, a Canadian guy, wants to ask me. Most of the questions are quite broad, subjects I could go on and on about, and honest answers could conceivably get me into trouble. Not that that’s ever stopped me before. Only recently have I begun to insert a little bit of thinking before opening my big mouth and inserting some portion of my anatomy. I suppose this is progress of a sort. The danger with knowing the questions beforehand is that, instead of thinking of reasonable answers that nobody will have a problem with, I tend to spend the extra time thinking up really sarcastic, stinging replies that might get people thinking about aspects of life here that they probably haven’t thought about before. And the problem with that is that most of the English-studying Taiwanese crowd probably doesn’t give a shit, while most of the foreigners here probably consider me a heretic, since my views do not often coincide with theirs.

Ah, whatever. I’m not going to dwell on it. They ask, I answer. Interview ends. I go have a drink.

Had dinner with my friend Jim, whose mother is Taiwanese and father African American, last night. Jim was born and raised in Taiwan, and never met his father. He’s a big, shy, beefy guy who works with foreign maid service in Kaohsiung. He had no place to stay last night, since many of the saunas are closed due to the drought, so I let him crash at my place. Talking with him reminded me that it’s been years since I was in Kaohsiung, the sprawling port city to the south.

I should take a three-day weekend or something and go down there to visit various friends, and just get away from Taipei for a bit as well. There’s a certain gritty electricity to a large subtropic port city. I spent six years of my childhood living a stone’s throw from the bay of Houston, and the smell of fishing boats, cranes and rigging always brings back memories of the flood-prone neighborhood where even the evacuation trucks wouldn’t dare enter during hurricanes. Mad magazines, Bubba Yubba gum, getting out of school and into fights with neighborhood kids, and raiding lobster traps.

I hated Texas, always have, probably always will. The combination of the weather and the attitudes made it a most unpleasant experience, especially after being ripped from a basically happy existance when I was in 1st grade in Florida and sent to hell in the form of James Bay Elementary School in Seabrook, Texas. I spent the next six years waiting for us to move back to Florida, and just as I was getting used to the area and the people, we did.

Maybe I don’t need to go to Kaohsiung right away.

I know you’re all waiting on tenterhooks with baited breath for my opinion of Episode II. Well, you can get out the Scope and Ibuprofin now, because I really enjoyed it. I feel a bit like I’m the only one who did, though, especially after reading all of the horrible reviews. But you know what? Episode II was just Star Wars, pure and simple. It had all of the wooden acting, inane dialogue, groan-inducing bad jokes, and questionable plot progression of the original trilogy. It also had all of the excitement, jaw-dropping action sequences, and atmosphere of its forebears. The fact that the critics panned Anakin’s hairstyle and Padme’s wardrode in such a desperate tone indicates to me that they were dead set against this film before they even entered the theater. Relax! It’s Star Wars, for cryin’ out tears! It ain’t Citizen Kane we’re talking about here. And thank god for that.

I saw the movie with Dean, Kay, Eoghain and Dave, all former denizens of the 70’s Airport Love Palace. After wandering around in the afterglow of the movie for a bit, we went our seperate ways. I realized that I had forgotten my sword and had to go back home and get it before going all the way across town for sword practice last night, where I successfully resisted the temptation to make lightsabre noises as I went through the forms.

I really need to start learning more new stuff, I think. I might look into another class. Tui-shou class is on Thursday, which, unfortunately, is also when the Taiwanese class is. I can learn Taiwanese on my own, though, perhaps. I’m just too damn lazy. For sword and martial arts in general, I need actual instruction. I also need a new sword for contact practice. I would like a nice sword but 1) I haven’t found one that’s really my style, 2) I couldn’t afford one anyway, and 3) it would just get banged up, bent, and eventually broken just like the last one.

After sword practice I decided to walk over to the Droid Control Ship, aka the Core Pacific Center on Civic Blvd., but as I was walking down Sanmin Road a brand-new silver BMW 540i suddenly pulled over and stopped right next to me. I am usually suspicious of particularly nice cars here, since they tend to be driven by shady characters. For a moment I went through a mental list of Known Gangsters I May Have Offended Recently while wondering how quickly I could get a weapon out of my bag, but it turned out to be a couple of my fellow sword students, offering me a ride. I took them up on their offer and chatted with them as we glided through the sea of scooters to the nearest MRT station. It was an oddly detached experience. I’m not used to riding in cars in this city, much less really nice ones. On the MRT I took some pictures out the window, capturing my reflection along with the urban nightscape in photos that not unsuitable for the Mirror Project, actually.

So here I am back at the office after an interesting weekend. It’s a bit anticlimactic, I must say. A large group of gawking visitors, mostly student types who most likely hold romantic notions about the advertising industry, just crowded by, making me feel very much like I was part of a zoo exhibit. Earlier a representative from Coca Cola was trying to get the woman who runs our company store to stock Coke in the fridge along with Pepsi. I took the opportunity to tell him that I thought that Qoo juice tastes bottled bat urine. He seemed to take it well. “It’s for kids,” he replied.

“Bat urine for kids, then,” I said.

“Well, some Taiwanese women like it too.”

“Which ones?”

“The ones that like to think that they’re still kids,” he said, and I nodded, thinking of Whiny Woman. She’d love Qoo Bat Urine (one of the ingredients is supposedly “Optimism”. I am not making this up).

On the “Poagao’s Really Slow Quest for a New Lair” front, at the party Saturday Sandman, also of Oriented fame, informed me that he might know of a not-too-expensive room overlooking the Xindian River and within walking distance of the MRT. Actually, due to alcohol consumption, I’m not sure whether he said “overlooking” or just “in” the river, since I know several houses have actually fallen off the cliff into the river in that area. I hear the rent’s cheaper that way, but TV reception sucks. I’d like to see it in any case, as well as the area around Maoman’s abode, where, he claims, one can enjoy nature, i.e. all kinds of disgusting insects accompanying and even perhaps a part of one’s breakfast every morning, only a short walk from the subway line.

Mindcrime called me up yesterday morning as I was playing a game on my computer. He and his girlfriend Janice were already on a bus to Taipei, and we played cell phone tag at the Taipei Main Station for a while before finally running into each other outside the East 3 Gate, where we promptly told each other how fat we’d both gotten. Janice was up in Tianmu doing some chorus thing, so we shunned the fine weather and took the underground mall route up to our old stomping grounds around the Linshen movie theater and Caves Bookstore. The area’s improved a lot lately, and we stopped in one of the many fake Starbucks, aka “IS Coffee”, for a snack. Mindcrime couldn’t resist snapping a most unflattering picture of me (I know, what other kind is there? Shut up.) as I was chomping down on a fake sandwich. Just like old times. Mindcrime is considering moving back up to Taipei; I for one hope he does, as I could use his expertise when I make my next film.

Janice showed up after we had established the fact that there’s still not much to look at at Caves, and we took a cab over to the Tandoor Indian restaurant. The food there was better than I remembered. Perhaps I should have eaten there more often when our office was right next door. Mindcrime wanted some pictures of temples so he and Janice went over the the Xingtian Temple on Minchuan E. Rd, while I took the MRT down to Xinyi Rd. to meet up with Kirk. Our destination was the United Mix bar, which had a sign on the front saying it was closed due to the water cutoffs today. I called Maoman and he reassured me that the party would definitely be taking place. Kirk and I decided to spend the time before the party at a nearby park where were cussed out by some three-year-olds for hogging the swings.

When we went back to UM it still appeared deserted, but it turned out that all the action was downstairs. In fact, more action that I was prepared for. It seems that UM that night was the Bar of Strange Connections. The birthday party was not just for Maoman, it was for another fellow as well, and he turned out to be the teacher of one of my roommates, Lin Jia-wen, who was also there. It also turns out that Lin Jia-wen, who insisted that his cable setup is much superior to my adsl, by the way, happens to be tutoring one of Kirk’s classmates. As I often say, small island.

They were serving small sandwiches, chips, celery and other assorted rabbit food, and a curious-tasting red liquid with the dubious name of “Concubine’s Lament” or something like that. It was chock full of vodka, of course, and before long the room began to rock gently, like a large ship is stormy seas. It was no earthquake this time. It was the Concubine’s Lament. Kirk was roaring drunk by the end of the evening, wildly accusing me of not warning him about the punch, but I wasn’t in much better shape myself. It was great. The music was fresh, the company interesting, and a good time was had by all, as far as I can remember.

This morning I struggled out of bed, surprisingly hangover-free, and went back to the hospital for a check up on my itises, which seem to be pretty much gone. The doctor concurred, and gave me two more bottles of opium. I now have over three bottles of the stuff and could probably open up a small stand and sell it on the street. This could be the beginning of a lucrative new career for me.

I have to get over to Jake’s now and meet up with Dean and some other people. We’re going to have brunch and then go try to see Episode II at Warner Village. I’m trying not to expect too much, but I’m still looking forward to seeing it. It’s a beautiful, sunny day, but not too hot. Seems that our drought will continue.

Two new pictures at the Mirror Project. Enjoy.

My job in a nutshell:

To: TC Lin/O&MTPE

Subject:

Dear TC,

Can we combine the words “Responsive + ability = Responsivibility”?

Please feedback~

-Green

To: Green Chou/O&MTPE

Subject:

Dear Brad,

Don’t even think about it. There’s enough of these pseudo-words floating around the corporate world already without idiots making more up whenever they can’t think of the correct term for some random thought they had. By the way, you can’t use the word “feedback” as a verb, either. And I’m getting pretty sick of “solutions” as well, to be honest. They don’t pay me enough to be the kind of person that willingly uses words like “synergy”.

-TC

Just sharing a glimpse of the joyous experience that is my job. At least it’s Friday. I was going to meet Sho tonight at Sogo for dinner, but his grandmother is in town so he can’t come out tonight. My friend Mindcrime is coming up to Taipei tomorrow, and Maoman from the Oriented Crowd is having a birthday bash tomorrow night. It’s been raining on and off all day, so hopefully the water restrictions will be eased soon.

I’ve been trying to speak more Taiwanese with people. Usually I can get by ok, but the other day I was talking politics with a taxi driver, got in way over my head and had to switch to Mandarin to express myself clearly. Oh, well. Serves me right for living in Taipei for so long.

Not trusting myself to navigate Taipei’s traffic under the influence of the Liquid Brown Mixture this morning, I got into a taxi with the World’s Most Jocular Cabbie at the wheel. Much hilarity ensued after he realized that I could speak Chinese. The sight of my ID card in my wallet as I paid him before getting out sent him into such hysterics I thought I might have to offer him some of my opium. I didn’t dare say anything even remotely funny as it might have given him a stroke.

The water was cut off all day today at the office, and while we seem to have enough in the tower on the roof, I have refrained from changing Office Turtle’s water, and he’s been giving me dirty looks all day. He’s getting a whole sinkful tomorrow for that. Either that or a swim with the Vampires’ lobster.

Speaking of my unholy colleagues, our Vampire Album of the Day was by a Taiwanese girl group called “SHE”. SHE sings tired Western hits with a vocal quality comperable to the sound of constipated cats being used unsuccessfully as chalkboard erasers. I had thought that Charlene’s “I’ve never been to me” was the worst song possible, but as rendered by SHE, I was reminded that such musical monstrosities can always be made a little worse. The Vampires’ bane, i.e. the blinds, are showing a bit of stress from being slammed shut every day. Perhaps they should work out some sort of appropriately gothic ceremony with candles and a gregorian chant accompanying the slow lowering of the shades, plunging the office into deep gloom as the Vampires make a solemn vow to bring darkness and cheesy 70’s songs with inane lyrics to every corner of the earth, ending civilization as we know it.

Mother’s Day was a few days ago, and as usual, I sent what I thought was an appropriately clever e-card to my mother in Oklahoma. But today I received an email from my dad, who said he could not help noticing that I forgot my mother on mothers day again. “When I think about the time, love and effort she spent in raising you and trying to do the best for you, then I have a hard time understanding your attitude,” he writes. “Perhaps it would help all of us if you would clarify what your feelings are toward your mother (and me also).”

Ok. This is, of course, just parentspeak for “there was some sort of e-glitch and your card was never delivered. Just FYI”. A little guilt trip now and then never hurt anyone, right? Now excuse me while I go reevaluate my entire life and try to figure out just when and where I went bad.

I went to the Adventist Hospital again this morning to check up on my itises. My back is feeling better and I am walking more or less normally again, albeit* slowly. On the cold/infection/virus front, it seems that I was overdue for my annual opium binge, so they gave me a couple of bottles of the concoction known by its scientific name “Liquid Brown Mixture” today along with my huge bag o’ pills. Consequently, I’ve been feeling rather mellow today. There was a rather large earthquake, and I didn’t even notice. I got out of the elevator at work to find people rushing around excitedly. “Where were you during the earthquake?” one of my co-workers asked. “What earthquake?” I asked, and immediately got a look of disbelief. I’m not surprised I didn’t notice, though. I’m even feeling amicably towards the Office Vampires today. The water’s going to be cut off at the office tomorrow, since the Xinyi District’s turn according to the rationing plan, though. I doubt I’ll be feeling very amicably towards that.

After an excruciating trip from the American midwest to our polluted, drought/quake-stricken island, My friend Mindcrime is now back in Taiwan, although he hasn’t made it up to Taipei yet. Perhaps he will venture up here to see Episode II when it opens this weekend. Dean called me up last night after an evening of drunken antics at Q Bar and proposed that we should get everyone together at Jake’s on Sunday and then rush the theater. I’ve got a bad feeling….nah, actually it sounds fun.

Speaking of movies, I recently watched On the Waterfront. Is it just me, or did they accidentally lose the voice tracks and replace Marlon Brando’s voice with that of Billy Crystal and Eve Marie Saint’s with that of Andie Macdowell? Also, I had no idea that Karl Malden was such a good actor. I really only remembered him from all of those American Express commercials. With this in mind, I also recently bought Patton on DVD. Best war movie ever, as far as I’m concerned. Much better than Saving Private Ryan.

*I once used the word “albeit” in a research report on German sports cars for my 7th-grade English class at Maitland Junior High school. Mrs. Gwinn, my teacher, refused to believe that I had come up with that word myself and accused me of having my parents write the report for me. My mother had a talk with the teacher and managed to convince her that I had written the report on my own.

I liked Rosalie Gwinn, though. She was a good teacher. It’s just that this kind of thing was always happening to me in that period of my life, since I had made up my mind at some point in junior high school to begin applying myself to get better grades, actually since I was informed that they actually meant something and could have something to do with my going to college or not. My reputation, however, was that of a rather poor student, and the sudden onset of entrances to honor societies, gifted programs and the life, confounded many an educator. Once my Civics teacher wouldn’t let me leave the classroom to attend the yearbook photography for the honor roll students. I had to show her my name on the list, which of course embarrassed her in front of the entire class. She got back at me with a none-too-subtle touche by giving me my only C that year, kicking me off the honor roll. And now I’m getting back at her by, uh….not mentioning her name here. I’m sure she’ll be devastated. Truth is, I’ve completely forgotten her name. So there!

Ah, the memories…*drinks some more Liquid Brown Mixture*.

My sense of humor has been accused of being my best asset, a sort of compensation for not having really grown up despite the fact that I’m already 33 years old. I suppose, as it is with many people, it is a sort of coping mechanism or something the psychologists talk about. The first time I heard the word “cope” was when my aunt said it was something I had to learn to do one time as she consoled me during a fight between my grandparents and my mother when I was 7 or so.

When I was that age, I wanted a sense of humor. I wanted to be able to trade the kind of witty banter that Hawkeye and Trapper John made a routine part of their conversations on TV every afternoon. Every night I looked forward to the jokes my brother and sister would trade at the dinner table. To me, my brother was the epitome of wit and sophistication. He could actually predict when the light would turn green! (it just didn’t occur to me that you could watch the other lights at the intersection). He was into the humor of Steve Martin and could make me cry I was laughing so hard. We used to record our banter and play it back. I wish I’d kept the recordings. I think I have a portion of one of those tapes somewhere, but that’s all. In any case, be it coping mechanism or just plain lack of charm on my part, I still think my brother is far funnier than I am.

I should probably be at home in bed, but due to my overwhelming sense of loyalty to my company I’m at the office today despite my something-itis and sore back. Had a migraine this morning to sweeten the deal, plus a couple of people throwing huge powerpoint files at me and wondering if I could skip lunch to accomplish some sort of time travel trick and get them finished by an hour ago. All I can say is, as shitty as this day is, thank god for MP3s, friends on ICQ and a sense of humor.

I took today off from work since not only do I still have tonsilitis or bronchitis or some other itis, I pulled a muscle in my back the other day lifting a tank of water in preparation for today’s water cutoff. So now I’m on two different sets of medication after spending all morning in bed and all afternoon at the hospital. Hopefully I’ll feel like going in to work tomorrow, but I have to go back for a checkup on Wednesday morning. Oh, my weekend? Spent it in bed, basically. Kirk called me from Danshui’s Fisherman’s Wharf, and Harry and Yong-gen came over to give me some plastic inflatible toys they won at some sort of event over at the CKS Hall yesterday, which was nice. Other than that, however, it’s just been me and my bed.

We got a little rain today but likely not enough. It will take a typhoon or two to fill the reservoirs again, I’m afraid. At least it’s cloudy enough that the sun isn’t evaporating too much water. That’s all the news for now.

Last night as I was waiting for my fake-meat sandwich to be put together by the gals down at Subzone, a tall foreigner with a baseball cap and a ponytail walked in. When he began to tell the charming ladies behind the counter what he wanted, he spoke slowly and carefully in a voice I could swear I knew from somewhere. “We’ll be having German sausage on that one….and ham on the other,” he was saying. “No, not sauce, sausage. Sausage. Ok, sauce.”

I stared at him for a few seconds. Surely I would have remembered someone like him, but I couldn’t place him. So I turned to him and said “Your voice is really familiar.” It turns out that he does a lot of the spots for ICRT, you know, things like “We rock Taiwan” and the highly original “More music, less talk” etc. Small island. He’s been here for seven years and still can’t speak Chinese. Maybe he’s afraid an accent might creep into The Voice and embarrass him on the air.

I was feeling pretty bad this morning by the time I got to work, so I grabbed a taxi and went over to the Taiwan Adventist Hospital to see a doctor. I was given an EKG or whatever, heart thing test, and a chest X-ray, but they couldn’t find anything wrong, so the doc said I must have some sort of virus or throat infection and prescribed some medicine for me. On my way out I saw some blind masseuses doing their thing in the lobby, so I stopped for a 20-minute massage for NT$200. Not a bad mixture of tickling, pain and chatting for the money.

Unfortunately, I had over twice my normal workload at work today, so that kept me busy all day, so busy there was no time for any breaks or rest. In any case, while the central weather bureau is predicting rain for this weekend, I’m predicting lots of sleep, plus intermittent coughing mixed with occasional sputum.

I’ve discovered the cause behind the drought. A few months ago, tired of my feet getting wet all the time from the constant rain, I bought some waterproof shoes. What was I thinking? Of course there’s going to be a drought. 20/20 hindsight, as always.

They’re going to start water rationing on Monday, cycling through five major districts in Taipei, with one going without water each day. Of course, everyone is going to fill their bathtubs with water and/or visit their friends to borrow their showers on the day they themselves have no water. I don’t know if this will really help the situation. As usual, our dear government has decided to wait until the crisis is upon us before reacting to it. Preventative, schpreventative! Of course, I should have thought it through before I bought the shoes. Hmmm, maybe if I go buy some sun lotion it will reverse the effect…but then I would have to buy NT$3,000 worth of sunblock.

I’m also feeling a bit under the weather, so to speak. Dean tells me that a lot of people have been complaining about feeling a bit off lately. Personally, I think it’s something lurking at the very bottom of the reservoirs, regions of water we haven’t been using for 22 years, since the last drought. Something we don’t understand. Something that escaped because someone didn’t properly “burp” the tupperware. In any case, while I was planning to go practice “pushing hands” tonight, I think I will probably just go home and go to bed early.

Last night I met with the Asian Culture publisher. We discussed the damn book over Japanese food at a place on the corner of Nanjing and Jianguo. I think that, unless some large, well-known publisher comes to me out of the blue and offers me a wonderful book deal, I will probably go with them. They seem pretty eager about it, and I think I can trust them to now screw me over in the process. Once I get some helpful commentary on my manuscript back from some of my friends, I will begin the daunting process of trying to find an agent/publisher in the US.

After finishing my meeting with the publisher I went to FNAC to drool over the DV cameras and pick up some stuff, and then to the 70’s Airport Love Palace last night to have a few drinks with the folks there, including Graham, who has posted the first entry in his blog. Keep it up, mate!