Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

May 16 2002

Not trusting myself to navigate Taipei’s traffic u…

Not trusting myself to navigate Taipei’s traffic under the influence of the Liquid Brown Mixture this morning, I got into a taxi with the World’s Most Jocular Cabbie at the wheel. Much hilarity ensued after he realized that I could speak Chinese. The sight of my ID card in my wallet as I paid him before getting out sent him into such hysterics I thought I might have to offer him some of my opium. I didn’t dare say anything even remotely funny as it might have given him a stroke.

The water was cut off all day today at the office, and while we seem to have enough in the tower on the roof, I have refrained from changing Office Turtle’s water, and he’s been giving me dirty looks all day. He’s getting a whole sinkful tomorrow for that. Either that or a swim with the Vampires’ lobster.

Speaking of my unholy colleagues, our Vampire Album of the Day was by a Taiwanese girl group called “SHE”. SHE sings tired Western hits with a vocal quality comperable to the sound of constipated cats being used unsuccessfully as chalkboard erasers. I had thought that Charlene’s “I’ve never been to me” was the worst song possible, but as rendered by SHE, I was reminded that such musical monstrosities can always be made a little worse. The Vampires’ bane, i.e. the blinds, are showing a bit of stress from being slammed shut every day. Perhaps they should work out some sort of appropriately gothic ceremony with candles and a gregorian chant accompanying the slow lowering of the shades, plunging the office into deep gloom as the Vampires make a solemn vow to bring darkness and cheesy 70’s songs with inane lyrics to every corner of the earth, ending civilization as we know it.

Mother’s Day was a few days ago, and as usual, I sent what I thought was an appropriately clever e-card to my mother in Oklahoma. But today I received an email from my dad, who said he could not help noticing that I forgot my mother on mothers day again. “When I think about the time, love and effort she spent in raising you and trying to do the best for you, then I have a hard time understanding your attitude,” he writes. “Perhaps it would help all of us if you would clarify what your feelings are toward your mother (and me also).”

Ok. This is, of course, just parentspeak for “there was some sort of e-glitch and your card was never delivered. Just FYI”. A little guilt trip now and then never hurt anyone, right? Now excuse me while I go reevaluate my entire life and try to figure out just when and where I went bad.

posted by Poagao at 9:20 am  

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