Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

Jul 25 2001

It’s Air-raid Day! From 1:30 to 2pm, everyone is s…

It’s Air-raid Day! From 1:30 to 2pm, everyone is supposed to get off the roads, out of their cars, off their scooters, out of their Betelnut stands and get inside. It is called the “Wan An” or “10,000 Comfort/Peace/however you want to translate this word” exercise. I might just go out a have a look around to see if this is really happening. Of course, if everyone has the same idea, it won’t happen. This sort of reminds me of the people who rented boats to watch the Chinese missiles crash down in the ocean off of our coasts in 1996. I was still in the army then so I couldn’t go watch, but it probably cost too much anyway.

posted by Poagao at 4:13 am  
Jul 25 2001

In order to clear up some of the rampant confusion…

In order to clear up some of the rampant confusion and resulting street riots over the plethora of people mentioned in this account, I have fashioned a Cast of Characters in order to edify both of my unwashed readers on the identity of all these vagabond friends and aquaintances trapsing in and out of my life at the moment. It is very rough, of course, with no pretty pictures to look at just yet, but I will add to it as I go. Let me know if you think you or anyone else should be included.

I think the IT department may have gotten off their asses and fixed the Word document crashing problem. I don’t want to sound certain or else I will jinx it. Now if they could get Whiny Woman to stop singing along to “Close to You”, but I suspect that is a deeper problem which might require actual surgery.

I rented two DVDs recently which are almost exact opposites, yet both about equally hard to enjoy: Quills and Next Friday. Quills made its point early on, that there are sadists and then there are sadists. But then, after the play scene, the motion stopped, although the beautiful cinematography continued. It was basically Silence of the Lambs without the happy ending. After a while I lost interest in the story and the characters, since nothing new was revealed about them.

Next Friday was entertaining, but only just. Ice Cube is always fun to watch, and Mike Epps was hilarious, but it would be a stretch to saw I wasn’t wondering when it would all just end for a large portion of the movie.

Tom Working is looking for monkeys in the weblogs he reviews. Technically speaking, now, there are no monkey graphics in this site. You’d think I would have fixed such a glaring design flaw by now.

posted by Poagao at 3:52 am  
Jul 23 2001

Friend, fellow thespian, fellow filmmaker and all-…

Friend, fellow thespian, fellow filmmaker and all-around tall fellow Paul and I have come up with an idea for a short film. I’m not going to tell you what it is, except that it involves the explosive destruction of needlessly popular Japanese cartoon figures. To tell the truth, ‘anime’ (with the possible exception of Akira, which has a kick-ass motorcycle chase scene) just gives me the creeps. Not only that, but Americans obsessed with anime give me the heebie-jeebies, and it takes some serious shit to get me to say “heebie-jeebies”, I’ll have you know. The reasons for this seem obvious to me: Huge, monsterous, quivering blue eyes, impossibly long legs, the distinct lack of nasal structure, sailor outfits and multicolored hair. How could this possibly fail to induce psychosis-causing nightmares? Yet Americans (as well as many Taiwanese, I am ashamed to add) just can’t seem to get enough of this hideousness. I suppose it is all part of the “Being Different by Being the Same” school of thought, sort of like when everybody went out on August 21st, 1984 and bought a “Members Only” jacket because they wanted to look like a subtle Michael Jackson.

posted by Poagao at 2:45 pm  
Jul 23 2001

(read in a stentorian, 1920’s Vaudeville fashion) …

(read in a stentorian, 1920’s Vaudeville fashion)

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS!

WITH THE POSSIBLE EXCEPTION OF MASS KARAOKE ACCOMPANIED BY NACHOS, THERE’S NOTHING QUITE LIKE AN EVENING OF THEATER, AND NOW THE SEASONS PLAYERS IN TAIPEI PRESENT ROBERT BOLT’S CLASSIC PLAY: A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS ¡V THE HISTORICAL DRAMA OF SIR THOMAS MORE AND HIS MORAL STRUGGLE IN THE FACE OF THE TYRANNY OF KING HENRY VIII. IT IS A PLAY OF SUBTLE HUMOR, MYSTERIOUS INTRIGUE, AND VARYING DEPTHS THAT WILL APPEAL TO EVERY THINKING PERSON AND PERHAPS MANY UNTHINKING PEOPLE AS WELL. CATCH A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS ON AUGUST 4TH AND 5TH AT TAIPEI’S HAN TANG DANCE AUDITORIUM AT #48 KEELUNG ROAD, SECTION 2 ¡V 12TH FLOOR!

Ok, so I edited that bit. Come anyway.

My room seems empty with out my fish knocking around in its bowl. I never did figure out exactly how it was able to make those loud knocking noises with no obvious knuckles. Maybe it was picking up pebbles from the bottom of the bowl and using them to tap the glass when I wasn’t looking. I miss the way it would get all excited when I got up in the morning to feed it those little red pellets of fish food. This simply illustrates the sad state of my social life, of course, when I miss having a fish around. At least I still have my stuffed monkey.

But what I really want an answer to the following question: Why don’t they make elevator buttons so that, if you press the wrong floor, all you have to do it press it again to turn it off? Is technology in 2001 still not capable of this amazing feat? Actually, I think that my generation feels the most ripped off over this kind of thing because we were almost literally promised when we were kids that the world in 2000 would be a much better place than it has actually turned out to be. When we were kids in the 70’s the moon shots were still going on, and it was only a matter of a few years and we’d have orbiting hotels, moonbases, martian colonies, flying cars, the works. Now it is 2001 and we’re still getting articles with titles like “Scientists say (insert moonbase, martian colony, orbiting hotel or whatever here) could be a reality…in 2087!”

But you promised! You promised in the newspaper, you promised on TV. You even promised in those cheezy films in school with the pictures of bouncing white guys on the moon. Why else would we want to watch those things(unless we had a cool teacher who would run the projector backwards)? It’s 2001, and what do we have to show for it? The Internet and roughly a million weblogs of 30-somethings complaining about the pronounced lack of martian colonies.

Oh, well. I’m just going to go home and play Half-life.

posted by Poagao at 7:24 am  
Jul 22 2001

The other night I came home to find my fish floati…

The other night I came home to find my fish floating stiffly at the bottom of the bowl, quite dead in fact. My friend Kirk gave me that fish in exchange for renting a DVD for him a long time go. It was a blue fighting fish, but I guess it got tired of having no other fish to fight and decided to end it all. That is if the cockroach gangs didn’t do it in. My friend Dean’s roomie Eoghain was out shopping recently and ‘on a whim’ decided to add a live alligator to his shopping list. It’s living in one of their fishtanks. I always wondered what kind of people bought the alligators they fish out of ponds after they (the alligators) have eaten a substantial number of ducks, small dogs and the occasional baby. Now I know.

Rehearsal went well in that I didn’t forget any lines and got to play the most entertaining role of the slightly psychotic Henry VIII, since the usual actor couldn’t make it this week. We still haven’t managed to act out the entire play in one sitting, and opening night is next Saturday. I’ve heard of cutting it close, but this is ridiculous. Still, it does lend the whole affair a certain air of adventure: who knows what will happen?

Ah, but tomorrow I and everyone else must return to the mind-numbing world of gainful employment, of reading through weblogs and their archives, of listening to CDs turned up loud enough to drown out the more irritating potions of the office cacaphony…

posted by Poagao at 4:28 pm  
Jul 22 2001

For some strange reason, yesterday felt like Sunda…

For some strange reason, yesterday felt like Sunday. My guess is that this is due to the depressing combination of hot ‘n muggy with gray ‘n misty. I kept thinking, gee, if only I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow…hang on, I don’t! And then after a couple of minutes I’d feel depressed again. I was able to recover my Saturday mood by watching The Blues Brothers, which one of my favorite movies, even if it was only on an inherently crappy VCD. This movie has everything I want in a film: awesome car chases, including a Pinto(!), great music, witty reparte, stupid jokes, Carrie Fisher with a rocket launcher, and a sexy guy to look at throughout the film. Before you jump to the wrong conclusions about any attraction on my part to either Jim Belushi or Dan Akroyd, I am referring to Matt “Guitar” Murphy. Damn that man was fine-looking back in 1980…I can see why Aretha Franklin, who played his woman in the film, was so willing to so into a song and dance number about keeping him around.

My windows are closing by themselves again. Damn, but this is annoying! Does anyone know why I have to re-click on this window every few seconds to bring it back “to life”? Let me know if you do. No other windows are coming up, this one just ‘deactivates’ itself, for some strange reason, causing me to have to click on it to begin writing again.

Last night on my way home I walked through the park that I live next to. I have heard that certain parts of it become ‘cruising’ zones after dark, and so I walked over to that area of the park. I was just walking along a path when suddenly the atmosphere changed. It was filled with that air of nervous expectation that heralds one’s arrival in a cruising area. Suddenly I noticed a handful of guys sitting or standing nearby, looking conspicuously non chalant. Yup, this was definitely a cruising zone. I’m not usually into cruising in places like that, though. I’d rather get to know a guy first. I must be getting old. Still, it’s useful information to know something like that about the park one lives right next to.

Speaking of useful information, it’s now 12:00 and I have to be at rehearsal! I think we’re going to try to get through the whole play today, a mere week before opening night…gotta be careful, though; last time I nearly caught the flu from Henry VIII.

posted by Poagao at 4:01 am  
Jul 21 2001

Dean and I put together a poster for the play. The…

Dean and I put together a poster for the play. Then I came home and whipped up another, in case anyone wanted a horizontal one. Take a look, and come by to see it if you get the chance. At the very least it will be a hilariously awkward comedy of errors, and at best it will be very, very good. I’m hoping for very, very good.

My blogging windows are turning themselves off again for some bizarre reason, so I won’t write too much right now. Let me just say that my physical went ok, other than the fact that I suddenly seem to have an abnormally high amount of triglycerides in my bloodstream. The doctor said to come back and get another blood test after the double Bailey’s and cheese nachos from last night are out of my system.

posted by Poagao at 6:12 am  
Jul 19 2001

Listening to Wu Bai’s "Lonely Tree, Lonely Bird" a…

Listening to Wu Bai’s “Lonely Tree, Lonely Bird” album. This is best album to take with you when you leave Taiwan, just to bring a little bit of Taiwan when you are not here. I listened to it when I was in New York, Oklahoma and LA in 1999. Great for walking long distances to, as I found out when I realized that LA isn’t someplace you can just hail a cab from one of the thousands in the immediate vicinity at any given time like one can in Taipei. Also, all of the songs are in Taiwanese, which can be cool if it’s Wu Bai(or Go Ba?) singing them and not some sappy, whiny, sad-looking girl looking morosely off into the distance. The lyrics to “Air Alert” are quite funny, actually. Wu Bai actually sings the way people talk, which is refreshing. I didn’t like his early stuff much, but this album is the cat’s pajamas and I dare anyone to play the title track without being consumed by an uncontrol urge to ruin speakers with sheer volume. I wanna be a bass player.

Now for the Diet Control section of the Journal: The knife fight went ok. Dr. Wei is a stocky, jolly fellow, which I like in a surgeon. He even showed me the little scrap of flesh he dug out, probably much in the same fashion as one eats kiwifruit, probably just enough to feed a piranha. I get the stitches out in a couple of weeks, and in the meantime I get to pretend that I did actually get into a scrap.

Oh. The Webby Awards are going on. Rah.

posted by Poagao at 8:04 am  
Jul 19 2001

I’ve just figured out why, over the past few years…

I’ve just figured out why, over the past few years, so many weird-ass corporatespeak terms have been popping up all over the place. You know what I mean: things like “Creating communicative synergy” and “Providing total integrative solutions” and the like. My theory is that these phrases sound suspiciously like those half-nonsensical utterings of teenagers in the 80’s, guys like Bill and Ted. Now, this generation of slacker dudes eventually grew up and entered the work force, and in the past few years they have been attaining the positions where they are responsible for coming up with the new corporate catch phrases, and viola! You’ve got “Total synergy”! Go ahead, read your company’s corporatespeak with a half-sarcastic, half-drugged-out, “Bill and Ted”-inspired accent, and see if it doesn’t make sense!

I’ve also figured out that my keyboard needs a “the” key. A “sucks” key would be nice, too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, they’re cranking up “Ono Lisa” in the office next door. Alert the cleaning lady! It’s time to stain the carpet with blood again!

posted by Poagao at 2:55 am  
Jul 18 2001

Asian Bastard, among many other people, doesn’t li…

Asian Bastard, among many other people, doesn’t like Mystery Meat Navigation. Up until now I had thought that my little menu on the right was pretty self-explanitory, but now I’m not so sure. Do you need some text to help you figure out what the links are, or can you figure it out the way it is? As always, I’m open to suggestions.

My computer didn’t crash, I wasn’t caught for being late again, I brought a Billy Joel CD to help drown out Whiny Woman’s renditions of “Memories”, and I didn’t get too wet on the ride home, so today went pretty well, all things considered. Don’t get me wrong, though, I still hate my job. It’s just some days I hate it less than others.

Speaking of my job, I have had this feeling recently that I am approaching a watershed of some sort. I feel that, at some point within the next couple of months, my situation is going to change quite a bit, hopefully for the better. Whether this is because I have been doing the same thing for too long or not I don’t know. Certainly it could be that I am planning to quit my present job, take on a part-time position and spend the extra time writing my book and planning my next film. However, my hunches are usually only about as accurate as my grenade throwing, which is not accurate at all. You don’t want to be around me when I am throwing a grenade. I can sharpshoot pretty well, or at least pretty well for the army, but sergeants were running for cover when it came time for me to practice grenade throwing. After a few ‘incidents’, they just gave me a softball and said “Here, go play with this.”

I’m going to try to avoid getting too bloody tomorrow afternoon when I have a knife fight scheduled with a guy named Wei. Actually, he’s a skin doctor and he is going to remove a thing on my arm. I know, this journal is entirely too graphic these days. Hopefully this will pass soon (But maybe it won’t! You never know, do ya?), after I have the rest of my yearly physical on Saturday and maybe a little laser surgery on my eyes later on.

The cicadas are reaching their peak, I think. They’re almost deafening these days, but I still like ’em. Cicadas say summer like nothing else can in my book.

Thank god for Internet radio, is all I can say. All of the radio commercials here feature women with impossibly high voices trying to sound as much like anime characters as possible. I must be able to be irritated by higher frequencies as most people, because these voices bug the hell out of me.

I finally sold the last of my “Taiwan: the Renegade Province” T-shirts, and yet there are still quite a few people who want to buy them. I called up the place that made them for me and said I might do another order, and please don’t make them for anyone but me, in case there’s a riot or something. In fact, if you see someone who obviously doesn’t know me, like Kofi Annan or Russel Crowe, walking around Taipei with one of these shirts on, let me know and I’ll fix it so that the shirt money is part of their next video rental bill. I would like to sell one to Jiang Zemin and the gang up in Beijing; after all, they’s the ones who came up with that phrase in the first place, so they should really be into this shirt, I would think. Maybe I’ll send Jiang Zemin one. He could wear it at state functions, and you’d see “poagao.org” on his back when he turned around to go back into his limo after waving to the masses at Tienanmen Square.

I was actually thinking this time of putting this site’s URL in the design somewhere, like maybe on the back under the collar or something. I could even sell them through this website. Any ideas on that? Is is blatent commericialism or acceptable advertisement? I work in the advertising industry, so I’ve lost any objectivity I might have once had on the subject.

posted by Poagao at 1:47 pm  
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