A fine, if rather windy day today. Jimmy and I decided to go to Manly, so we hopped on a train over to downtown and walked to circular quay. Is it just me, or does anyone else think that circular quay is rather, erm, square? Shouldn’t they call it the square quay? Or perhaps the rectangle quay? The name circular would seem to connote roundness where it doesn’t exist. I’m sure there’s some sort of historical explanation I am unaware of, concerning British people and some sort of aquatic fowl. At least I’ve stopped pronouncing quay “kway”.

We walked past the person dressed up as either Satanic Barbie or a post-accident drag queen who stands nearly motionless on the docks until enough people gather round, whereupon he or she will do something startling like bend over or move its arms. I have to admire its restraint. I would be sorely tempted to wait until people got within punching distance and just have at it.

The ferry to Manly was a lot bigger than I had expected; there was hardly any motion at all on the way over. Once we disembarked, the entire crowd headed en masse to the beach on the other side. The brilliant blue of the ocean over there is almost startling upon first sight, and the pristine white sand looked like it had recently returned from the dry cleaners. The flies must have ferry tickets, though, because they followed us everywhere.

We walked up and down the beach, doing more envying of the people who lived there than actually appreciating the beach. Lunch was fish and chips, which were excellent of course. Seagulls nearly attacked us while demanding some chips, and I wondered whether telling them to sod off in Chinese would work. I can be more rude in Chinese, you see, because there’s less of a chance of nearby authority figures knowing exactly whose mother I am referring to.

After wandering up and down the street a couple of times and clicking our tongues at all the disgustingly athletic people lying on the beach, we went for some drinks at a place called “Charlie’s”. The shop has a small picture of Charlie Chaplin on the front and is situated close to a McDonald’s. How close I didn’t realize until I got the strawberry shake I ordered and found that they apparently have some sort of food-sharing relationship going on with Macca’s. In other words, it was disgusting. Not even the flies wanted it.

The wind was picking up as we took the ferry back to rectangle quay. By the time we caught sight of the harbour bridge, nearby small boats were being capsized by the gusts. The tourists on the ferry lent a hand to the would-be sailors struggling in the water by taking pictures and saying “Oh, dear” a lot.

As we walked back to the train station, I kept looking around to see if I recognized any scenes from the Matrix, but I couldn’t recall a single one. I’ll have to watch that movie again, I guess (as if I wasn’t going to anyway). We caught the train along with roughly six million commuters, and I was seated next to a man wearing enough cologne for all of them. I just hope that I came away free of the smell of Brut or Polo or Horse or whatever it was. Eau de Poagao is the only fragrance this monkey wears.

We went to Coles for groceries and Jimmy made delicious Shuijiao, or steamed dumplings, for dinner. Before we ate I turned on the TV and Survivor was on. I watched for a bit but had to turn it off before convulsions of disgust prevented me from lifting the chopsticks necessary to eat my meal. Why do they even bother with the whole Africa shtick? These people could be in an office and have exactly the same problems, because in the end it’s all about cubicle politics. It’s the same cubicle politics most people have to deal with every day, so I don’t really see the difference between it and Jerry Springer, Ricki Lake, or any of those shows aimed primarily at victims of violent lobotomies performed with ice-cream scoops.

Tomorrow might be interesting. Something stupid definitely could happen tomorrow.

I Slept the Good Sleep last night, a full 10 hours or more. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the view of the harbour. After chatting with Jimmy and Rick for a few hours before they left for school and work respectively, I decided that I wanted to walk down to Double Pay -I mean Double Bay.

First things first, however. I went to a backpacker travel place where an alarmingly confused girl managed, after several unsuccessfull attempts, to book me a ticket to Perth (I’m flying this time; I think I’ve had enough continent-spanning train trips to last me for a while). Then I went to the mall across the street and found a Donut King. Yes, I finally found real donuts in Australia. They are no match for Dunkin Donuts, or even Krispy Kremes, but at least the folks at Donut King can spell (I do realize that it was spelled doughnut by people like Sir Walter Raleigh) and can even make a recognizable version of my favorite Terribly Unhealthy Food-type Material: Strawberry Frosted Cake Donuts.

Having thus satiated my donut craving, I went to the K-mart in the basement of the mall to look for a swimsuit, but all I could find were those skimpy speedo-type suits. This is probably because most Australians are so fit, just about everyone looks good in those things. I understand that there’s even a nude beach not far from here. The Happy Monkey, however, is not comfortable being Happy in a speedo, and hopefully this hemisphere will not have to be subjected to that unholy sight unless absolutely necessary. Start praying, folks.

After giving up on that search, I began to make my way downhill towards the water. The houses along the way were for the most part old and well-kempt. I passed through one large park area which, a nearby sign proclaimed, was going to be returned to its original bush state. The flies were out again as well. I realize that flies are not that big a problem, especially as other countries have problems like earthquakes, typhoons and god-awful TV shows like Everybody Loves Raymond, but the buzzing-around-my-head thing is really starting to get to me. I have to stifle every urge to yawn. I have to remember not to breathe through my mouth (yes, I am a mouth breather, I admit it), lest some little bit o’ hell with wings decides to take advantage of the openings in my defenses.

The Double Bay area is really posh. Bentleys and Porsches are sprinkled liberally through the parking lots. People in this city love their Mazda Miatas as well, it seems, and I can’t blame them. The weather is perfect for convertibles, or would be if it weren’t for the flies. I made my way down to the water and sat on the stone wall there. I took out a Cherry Ripe I had purchased at the mall because Jeb has sung its praises so often in the past, but to my dismay found it contained coconut, which is to me all texture and no taste, so I couldn’t finish it. The Taiwanese in me wanted to throw it into the water, but thankfully I stifled that impulse and stuffed the remainder of the bar back in my pack.

The bay was full of gently bobbing yachts, and people walked their dogs in the park. On my way back up to the apartment I passed an old guy sitting in the doorway of an expensive boutique looking somewhat less that thrilled at his wife’s prolonged shopping rampage unfolding within. I walked back through the nice neighborhoods, even being shocked when a couple of people actually greeted me, and then up the hill, where the neighborhood got worse as I closed in on backpacker areas. The more dodgy the neighborhood, the more I tend to adopt a sort of bogan swagger. Don’t know why that is; maybe I just do it when I’m nervous. Or maybe it was the donut.

Sydney is a city full of really healthy-looking people, bright, sharp sunlight, graffiti, flies, mazda miatas and blond girls that all look surprisingly alike. Either that or I’m being stalked. According to Jeb, Keanu Reeves and the Gang are in town filming Matrix II: Reloaded (sounded better than “Refreshed” or “404: Page Not Found” I guess). If I’m lucky I’ll run into one of the sexiest member of the cast: Tank (Apoc was sexy too, but since he died in the first film I doubt he’ll be involved in the second one).

Tomorrow Jimmy and I are going to go either to Chinatown or Manley Beach, since he doesn’t have class on Wednesdays. Either way it should be interesting. I will try to avoid that annoying urge to speak Chinese really loudly when I see some Chinese people, since I know how stupid it seems when Chinese people do that in Taiwan, trying to show that they know English and speaking it really loudly whenever they see a foreigner. I understand the urge to show off, but I also believe that some urges are better repressed, and that is one of them. I’m content that I know how to speak Chinese; I shouldn’t feel the need to demonstrate to everyone in the immediate vicinity. Perhaps one needs to be on the receiving end of such behaviour to realize how annoying it really is.

Ok, I’m in Sydney, after a long and interesting train ride. I wrote over 20 pages in my notebook about it, a bit long for a post here, so I’ll probably post it as a seperate page, perhaps in my writing section. In a nutshell, I got on the train, we travelled through the bush, my room mate decided to pick the lock on a first-class cabin he could have to himself, we crossed a desert and stopped at a really sarcastic town, population: 4, my room mate got caught but not punished. I got another room mate, the landscape improved while the tracks got worse, I found out how little a town can change in a century, and eventually arrived here in this beautiful city this morning.

I am staying with my friends Jimmy and Rick for now. They live in a really nice apartment just above Bondi Junction, with a view of the harbour bridge. I took the subway downtown today and walked down to the harbour to find out just where the Sydneycam is located. I would always watch the Sydneycam when I was at work, but today I was on it! Yeah! I’m such a tourist. I also walked across the bridge to North Sydney and made the locals rather nervous as I was obviously underdressed for the neighborhood.

So far I really like this city. We went down to Bondi for a pizza dinner, and afterwards we went down to the beach for dessert. The water actually smelled clean! The only thing I didn’t like was, of course, the flies. I don’t know what it is about this country, but the flies are really annoying. How come nobody ever mentions this in travel guides? Well, duh.

I’ve also found a TV show I really dig. It’s called, simply, Pizza, and it reminds me a bit of a long Monty Python sketch. The two main characters are pizza delivery boys, one of Italian decent and the other Lebanese. Not only are they funny, but sexy as well. What more can one want out of a TV show, after all? Plot? Character? Come on, the days of Magnum, PI are over!

Tomorrow I might go visit Manly. Or not. Ya never know, do ya?

We hung around the house most of today, a nice, relaxing spring day. The weather was again brilliant, so we braved the flies (the one thing about Australia I am not exactly partial to so far) and went to get some instant noodles at the store nearby. Oddly enough, the staff had no idea where the chopsticks could be found. We asked a register girl, and she asked the register girl next to her, and so on, and so on, and so on, just like that shampoo commercial. Eventually we found the chopsticks, however. They were right next to the instant noodles.

Later on, Simon’s sister Claire drove us out to the Darling Range, which is supposedly the longest unbroken faultline in the world. We arrived just before sunset, and the enourmous rocks strewn about the side of the mountains were bathed in orange light. A few kangaroos were out and about, one of them with a joey in its pouch. We climbed up the rocks and watched the sun set as the ‘roos circled back down the mountainside. Later we got back in the car and drove to a lookout point where several drunken locals had gathered to verbally assault one another and listen to dodgy music on their car stereos. One of them asked Claire if she had any water. “Uh, because, you see, our radiator’s all stuffed, mate,” he said. Back in the car, we wondered aloud just how big the bong was.

Night fell as we took a long detour through the mountains. At one point Claire spotted a snake just before running over it, so she stopped in the middle of the road. Both Claire and Simon got out of the car and went to look at the snake, while I searched the dash for the hazard light button. The road was dark and we were between two sharp corners, but I didn’t find the hazards until Claire and Simon had just gotten back into the car, having driven the ungrateful serpent (actually they had determined that it was a “legless lizard”…who knew?) off the road. We got going just as two cars approached from opposite directions.

Later on we stopped at another place overlooking the city, which was by that time a glittering field of lights spread from horizon to horizon. A beautiful sight, with downtown Perth a blue jewel set in the center. The road down the mountain is apparently called “The Zigzags”, and for good reason, although I dare say your average Taiwanese driver wouldn’t think twice about negotiating it at twice the speed with a mouthful of betelnut and an earful of Nokia.

We returned just in time to watch the latest Stargate SG-1 while we consumed Simon’s mum’s Chicken & Leek Pie, wihch was excellent, followed by yet more Tim-tams. I haven’t lived with people in a long time, much less with an entire family, and I have to say that it is a wonderful feeling. Everyone is so nice to each other, you can tell that they care about each other. I realize that not every family is like this, which is a shame, but it’s nice that I get to run across people as nice as this from time to time.

Tomorrow I will board the Indian-Pacific train, bound for Sydney in three days’ time. I have stocked up on instant noodles and Uncle Toby’s fruit bars, and hopefully they’ll have food on board as well. I doubt, however, that they will have an Internet connection, so I won’t be posting for a few days. No worries, though, since I’ll be jotting down whatever happens in a notebook so I can post it here later on. Should be interesting, in any case. The last time I took any kind of long train trip was when I was little and we were visiting my grandparents in Oklahoma. That was only one day, though, and I was only seven. Anyway, I’m looking forward to it.

Oh, lord am I stuffed. I just had a huge meal of pasta and milk sucked through Tim-tam chocolates while watching a couple of Jackie Chan’s Police Story movies, which I brought down with me on DVD. I also stuffed my face at lunch with the best fish and chips I’ve ever had in Fremantle today. Ironically, next door to the fish place, located on the docks, was a McDonalds. Who, may I ask, would go to a McDonald’s when the World’s Best Fish and Chips is located right next door? We came that close to taking our meals over to the McD’s and thrusting our delicious meals under the noses of the patrons there and demanding an explanation for their presence at a clearly susbstandard eating establishment. But we thought better of it and didn’t want to be arrested, so we went to look for toothbrush covers at camping stores and had chocolate cheesecake yoghurt in front of an indie music store. Fremantle is very obviously a hippy beach town, but remarkably clean in a touristy sort of way. Not many trees, but lots of old old buildings in surprisingly good shape. I kept stopping before crossing roads, being used as I am to cars actually going out of their way to run me down, while everyone else walked across unconcerned. Apparently that’s the way traffic works here. Go figure.

When we got back to Perth and were heading for the bus, I made a chance remark to my friend Simon about Lamingtons, which are apparently some kind of dessert I’d like to try. He immediately embarked upon a personal quest to find Lamingtons and Tim Tams. We went to store after store, but nobody had either one. We even tried McSnack, so desperate was our cause. I had begun to suspect that this was all a trick that Aussies play on people just arrived from abroad, much like the “Left-handed Smoke Shifter” prank they played on me in boy scouts (“TC, go get me a Left-handed Smoke Shifter.” “But sir, you’re not left-handed.” “Just do it, dammit!”). As we searched, we passed a hippie playing a flute while sitting in front of a store. A man came up and offered the hippie money if the hippie would just go away. Eventually, however, SImon proved the existance of the fabled Lamingtons when we found them at a grocery store after circumnavigating the entire downtown area at least twice. And now I’m completely stuffed. The chance of salad tomorrow is rather high, I’m afraid.

I still don’t have a definite place to stay in Sydney. Anyone know of a good park where I can linger around in and rob tourists for food money?

Spent yesterday at King’s Park, a section of rolling hills near downtown Perth, full of serious joggers, business types, and gaggles of schoolchildren screaming at water fountains when they (the fountains) went off and spouted huge jets of water in the air. There was a double helix-shaped structure one could climb to get a nice 360-degree (oh, how I love being able to use that term in a non-corporatespeak context!) view of the surrounding area and the city. Far off, I could just glimpse the Indian ocean and Rottnest Island.

As we made our way back to the city, we passed a park with a lake full of black swans and ducks. They were positively feral, because when we sat down they literally rushed us. My friend Simon tried to get a recording of swan sounds, but they just tried to eat the microphone. They also tried to eat our bags, shoes, shoelaces and everything else in the vicinity. Simon made the observation that naughty children should be brought to this park and let loose among the swans for a few mintutes, so that afterwards all the parent would have to do to get them to behave was threaten them with more swans. At the very least it would make an interesting story of childhood trauma for entire generations of psychologists.

When we got downtown I booked a berth on the Indian-Pacific train to Sydney, which takes three days, for this Friday.It was quite expensive, but I hope it will be worth it. I booked the “Red Kangaroo” class as opposed to the even more expensive “Gold Kangaroo” class. Apparently red kangaroos are substandard. Since the Melbourne Cup is approaching, it was very difficult to find a berth, so I’m leaving Perth a bit sooner than I had originally planned, but that’s ok. I can always come back west sooner. I also got an Australian phone card so that I wouldn’t have to pay so much money each time I make a call on my mobile, or rather each time some uninformed person calls me from Taiwan.

Later on we visited an aborigine shop with a bunch of native paraphanalia. There was a couple from Europe there, one of whom was blowing into a digeridoo and making no small amount of noise. “It’s first time for me to play this instrument!” the beaming man said to the assistant, who nodded in obvious awe at his musical aptitude. We made a hasty exit, however, when the other member of the couple started to try out the boomerangs.

Perth seems like such a small town, but it has well over a million people. The streets never seem crowded, but I suppose that is because I am used to Chinese crowds, which are some of the densest I’ve ever seen. Personal space seems to be more of a western concept. This is the first English-speaking country I’ve visited outside of the US, and the similarities and differences can really mess with one’s expectations and preconceptions.

Ok, I’ll stop the analysis for now, as your hand seems to be inching towards the “favorites” button for something more inspiring. Today is another beautiful day.

I’m sitting at my friend’s computer, it’s a brilliant day outside, deep blue sky, crisp weather and I just had my first shower in three days. Lurvley.

Yesterday we took the bus to downtown Perth, which feels like a small town., with lots of pedestrian areas. We took the ferry across the river and visited the zoo, which was interesting as they tend to avoid having the animals in cages. They’re all out and about, as it were, and you pass kanagaroo’s, for example, just lazing by the side of the path. Lazing is apparently what most Australian animals do best. I got some tips for better lazing in the future. On the way back afterwards, we encountered literally gaggles of professionals just getting off work downtown. They practically leered at us as they filed off the ferry, silently projecting a mixture of amusement ad pity that we didn’t have their jobs. I tried to silently project the fact that we had just spent an entertaining afternoon at the zoo, but I’m not entirely sure I was being very effective, so I just glared back.

I also found out that one cannot buy prescription contact lenses in Australia without visiting a doctor and all that. In Taiwan, I could just go to the corner shop ad pick up a pair, but not here. Oh, well. The apaptors are expensive, too. I’m not sure if I want to spend that much money for just a month’s use, but I might have to if want to continue taking pictures.

Today we’re going to try and find out about tickets on the Indian-Pacific train to Sydney. Exhorbitantly expensive, no doubt, but I’d rather see a bit of the country on my way over there, and it’s not that much more than flying. I managed to forget my International Driver’s License, so renting by yours truly is out of the question.

It feels so good to be here. My friend’s family is great, and his sister made some bang-up chicken last night for dinner.

Put your minds at ease: I made it to Perth ok. The flight was good, the food was terrible, and there was a woman sitting in front of me with hair dyed such a bright shade of red that the plane could have used her head as landing lights.

We stopped over in Singapore for six hours, and I took the city tour, including a boat tour. I fell asleep in a chair at the airport and woke up not remembering where I was or what I was doing there. A good feeling.

So, anyway, I’m staying at a friend’s house, which is currently being rennovated. No idea what I’ll do next. Hopefully the weather will hold up tomorrow.

It’s past one in the morning. I just had a cold shower since there’s no hot water. My flight to Perth leaves just after 7am. That means I have to get up at 4, take the 4:40 am bus to the CKS airport to make the flight. Should I even bother sleeping? Obviously I’d rather be blogging. Oh, and I guess I should pack as well.

The weather this morning was brilliant. I managed to get up in time to make it over to the site of the Taichi competition by 8am. The reason for this was the opening ceremony, where everyone stood in lines behind their group leaders while various and sundry officials make vapid speeches. I spent most of the ceremony trying not to roll my eyes and ruin someone’s photograph of the ceremony. At one point, though, after we finished bowing to the ROC flag and singing the national anthem, they started playing the theme to Monty Python’s Flying Circus and I burst out laughing, drawing several unfriendly stares. I just couldn’t help myself. All of the sudden I envisioned Terry Gilliam’s animated feet flying around the room and smooshing people.

After that, aside from a brief moment of panic when I thought that I had my pants on inside out, things went smoothly. I managed to keep from screwing up, and although I was nervous, people said it didn’t show. 2nd place isn’t so bad, although I still think that Taichi and competition really don’t go together. They’re exact opposites, concept-wise, and it seems like one negates the other. In any case, it was pretty interesting , since even though I’ve participated in Karate and Shaolin Kung-fu competitions before, but this was my first Taichi competition. I was the only “foreigner” actually competing that I could see, but there were a couple of non-Chinese in the audience. I took some pictures of the Tui-shou (pushing hands) competition, some of the other participants, and the scene “backstage” where people wait before going on.

Afterwards I went out to buy a CD case and Zhang Zhen-yue’s latest album, “Trouble”, at Tower Records. Kirk called and said he needed my copy of Windows 98, so I said I would call him when I got home. Then I went to the 70’s Airport Love Waterpark to give the Enterprise tape to Dean, and we watched it on his VCR. Dean and Kay are almost moved out now, over to a surprisingly nice apartment near the old Taiwan News office. Dean let me borrow his backpack to take to Australia, which was cool of him, although there’s a Canadian flag sewed on the back, which might give people the wrong impression (i.e. that I’m a decent person), but it’s a big, useful backpack. In exchange I helped Dean and Kay stick some furniture into the back of Kay’s little car, and we drove through the streets with a couple of shelves sticking out of the trunk and the “Trunk Open/Garbage Truck Approaching” melody ringing in our ears as it started to rain. Kirk and a new friend of his came over after I got back to pick up my Windows CD. Apparently said friend is installing a new computer, although I don’t dare assume too much.

So it’s after 1:30 now and I’m still not packed. I don’t think I’ll be getting much, if any sleep tonight. Oh, well. I guess I can sleep on the plane. See you in Perth, or perhaps in Singapore if I happen upon an Internet connection while I’m there.

Ok, ok, the silence was too much for me, so I relented to the massive unvoiced popular opinion and changed my photography page to thumbnails only/alt text on mouseovers. That way I can avoid lawsuits leveled by people who seriously injured themselves by scrolling too much (I don’t know, maybe their fingers could get caught in that little mouse wheel or something. One can always hope). In any case, the only thing I can get sued for now is bad taste and slander, and both of those are just too much fun to give up.

We got our monkey suits for the competition tomorrow. The teacher made a special point of reminding me to show up tomorrow…she knows that I am reluctant to enter the competition; that’s not why I’m studying Tai-chi Sword, after all. I’ll go, of course, just because it will be different and interesting, but I’m not going to take it all too seriously. One thing I really dislike is having to have a tassel on my sword. I’ve never used one before, but we have to for the competition. It’s extraneous and silly-looking and the damn thing keeps falling off or wrapping itself around the handle.

After I got back from sword practice, bought dinner and picked up my laundry, I found that the tape with the Enterprise premiere my friend Shawn sent had finally arrived! I immediately sat down and watched it, and I have to say they did a damn good job. I love the ship, the actors are top-notch, even if they are still finding their roles, and although the theme music is a bit off and I had to fast-forward through the whole Gel Sequence, I enjoyed it a lot. I’m looking forward to seeing more of that show.