Your Captaincy!

(to the tune of "Your Majesty!" from "The King and I". I wrote this one day when our Company was bearing the brunt of one of our capain's more pointless exploits.)

by Cpl. Tao-ming Lin,

ROC Army, infantry

Miaoli, Taiwan, 1996

Your servant! Your servant! Indeed I'm not your servant, although you give me less than servant's salary. I am legally empowered...personality! -personnel.

Because I am a conscript, you think like every conscript, I have to be a slave or imbecile. You conceited, self-indulgent...Neanderthile! -Neanderthal.

*sigh* How I wish I'd called him that, right to his face. Neanderthal! and while we're on the subject, Sir, there are certain goings on around this base, that I wish to tell you I do not admire:

I do not like the idiocy of displaying your stupidity. I realize that in your eyes, this clearly makes a wimp o' me. But I am from a civilized land called The States, where men like you are kept behind steel gates!

In your pursuit of power you have NCO's who follow you. They have no care for rationale, besides which who can argue? Pinkies galore, and you the only Brain. No wonder you've no clue that you're insane!

Actually I'm kind of glad I didn't sayhat. With the Chaplain right there. And civilians...Civilians! Civilians! I can't forget civilians. No matter where I go I always see...their gawking faces staring up...at me.

Your Captaincy: Shall I tell you what I think of you: you're spoiled! You're an overrated leader, and you're spoiled! Giving credit where it's due isn't much to credit you, yet it's also very true that you're spoiled!

Everybody's always saluting "The Captain". Everybody has to grovel to "The Captain". By your Colonel you are blessed. You, the MP's can't arrest. But the one who loves you best.....(aside: ain't yer girlfriend, I'll tell you that!)

All this raging and rampaging to remind you of authority, I find the most disgusting exhibition! I wouldn't ask a VMI Rat to demonstrate his loyalty by listening to such stupid expositions. How would you like it if you were a grunt, playing the part of a vacuum, crawling around on your elbows and knees and eating the dust in the room? Vacuums! Vacuums! All of your "soldiers" are Vacuums! "Yes, your Captaincy." "No, your Captaincy." "Tell us how low to go, your Captaincy." "Make some more demands, your Captaincy." "Don't let us up off our hands, your Captaincy." "Give us a kick 'cause you can, your Captaincy." "Give us a kick if you must, your Captaincy..."

"Ooh! That was fucked, your CAPTAINCY!"

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