Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

Nov 30 2001

When I got home last night and parked my motorcycl…

When I got home last night and parked my motorcycle, I pulled the key out of the ignition, only to find the entire ignition assembly clinging to the end of the key. I wheeled the bike over to my usual motorcycle repair shop, conveniently located just downstairs next to the lobby. The repair guy, who knows me pretty well as my motorcycle is, to be quite honest, putting his kids through college, promptly took my key and ignition assembly and stuck it back in the hole from which had spilled. “Problem solved!” he told me gleefully, and went back to work on the crippled scooter he had been working on. I turned the key experimentally and found that it wouldn’t budge.

It turns out that I have to have the entire key system replaced, which could conceivably cost more than the entire bike. Not that surprising, considering the fact that my bike is worth less than most people’s socks, but it has to be done, since we here in Taiwan still don’t have access to any motorcycles larger than 150cc, in spite of the fact that in restricting imports in such a fashion is a violation of WTO regulations. I suppose we’ll just ‘ease into’ compliance, even though we’ve been waiting for WTO entry for 13 years so it was hardly unexpected.

So now I am riding the repair guy’s scooter, since my bike is in his shop. I realize that it was very nice of him to lend me his scooter, but he does have quite a few, and this one has a basket, fer cryin’ out tears! It’s feather-light; the speedometer only goes up to 60kph and it only has drum brakes to slow its tiny wheels. I was considering taking my heavy sword to sword practice tonight, but thought better of it, since I seriously doubt that the scooter is capable of carrying me and the heavy sword. I’m also not too keen on impaling myself if I can’t brake in time and run into someone. I just hope my bike is fixed quickly, because I certainly don’t want to be seen on the scooter for more than a day.

Tomorrow is election day, and Xiao Bing and I are going to go vote, since we are registered in the same district. The English-language newspapers are spewing outrageous amounts of propaganda, even more than usual, which is odd considering most foreigners can’t vote. I suppose they’re trying to influence the English-learning crowd, but I suspect that those people rely more on the Chinese-language media for their election coverage.

I think Whiny Woman must have taken some cold medicine or something, because she is saying “Oh, yeah?” over and over again to nobody in between giving less-than-perfect renditions of popular garbage truck melodies.

I’m currently reading “Bill Bryson Down Under“, which is marketed everywhere outside of Australia as “In a Sunburned Country“, and on a whim I visited his official website, which has a forum for comments. I don’t know what Mr. Bryson would make of Taiwan, but I’m sure that it would make a great story. I left a note inviting him here and saying I would be happy to show him around, but I don’t honestly expect a reply. Still, one never knows. He doesn’t seem like the type to check his comments section very frequently.

In other news, this site is apparently now #8 on the PC Home monthly Top Ten list. The good news is that the rat poison is still working. The bad news is I don’t have any plans in the near future to dine with Barbra Streisand, Jennifer Lopez, Michael Douglas, Grant Hill or the entire Bau family, although I’d be more than happy to put some extra effort in J-lo’s case. And before you begin to harbor suspicions of heterosexuality about me, let me state for the record that of all the people on that list I’d choose Grant Hill for pure shagability.

In still more news, Dean’s article about foreign authors in Taiwan came out today. You’ll notice that I’m referred to in the article by my nom de plume “T. Christopher Locke”. Has a nice air of respectability, don’t it? (Don’t go thinking you now know the real answer to what TC really stands for, though!)

posted by Poagao at 7:55 am  

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