Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

Aug 24 2001

Tomorrow is Chinese Valentine’s Day, I realized as…

Tomorrow is Chinese Valentine’s Day, I realized as I sat in the park downstairs drinking my mint tea after lunch. Some construction workers lazing around the park during their break were razzing one of their number as he argued with his girlfriend on a cellphone about their plans for tomorrow. While I’m usually perfectly satisfied with the single, almost monk-like lifestyle I lead, around Valentine’s Day, which Taiwanese celebrate twice, once for the Western version and once for the Chinese version, I get a little irked about still being single, without a single serious long-term relationship in…well, ever, really. I know this is mostly a result of me not really trying, and I still cringe at the contents of most love songs and mushy so-called ‘chick flicks’, but yes, even I get lonely at times. That would explain the bitterness, cynicism and fits of depression and occasional rage, at least.

The honest answer, though, would be that there aren’t that many people out there who are able to put up with me, and of those I don’t even know if there are any I could put up with. I’ve always believed in Yuan Fen, loosely translated as “Fate” or “Destiny” or “A Long Piece of Red Industrial-strength Cable That Ties Certain Individuals Together Throughout the Ages in Their Various Reincarnations”, but as the years pass I am beginning to have my doubts. Unfortunately, there is no standard procedure to follow when one has one’s doubts. They’re just sort of there, at least until someone does something to dispel them. Mine are still around, gathering dust in the corner, but I really don’t have room for them, rent being what it is these days. I really should have a garage sale and get rid of them (I also have way too many old video games).

Anyone want some used doubts? Any excessively self-assured Christians, third-world dictators, smug businesspeople or on-the-edge activists out there in need of a little balance and perspective? Anyone?

posted by Poagao at 9:13 am  

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