Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

Dec 28 2001

It’s a cold, gray day outside. No matter where you…

It’s a cold, gray day outside. No matter where you stand, it feels like the edge of a large, empty desert plain. It feels like it’s been night all day. Everything has a temporary aura about it for some reason, probably the usual post-Christmas/post-birthday “Now what?” syndrome, an uncomfortable mix of lazy regret and relentless apathy. I just interviewed a girl who is applying for a position here as a secretary. She seemed scared to death of me, wringing her hands and stuttering her answers. I guess the weather is getting to other people as well. They’re playing elevator music, songs like “Love is Love” and “Say you, Say me” by The Fabulous 101 Strings, over the intercom. I wonder if I can get compensation for mental anguish out of this.

Another thing is the continuing incompleteness of my book. It looms over me and tinges everything I do with guilt and apprehension. Perhaps I can take advantage of the new year’s holiday to get a major chunk of editing done on it. I’m running out of excuses to continue torturing myself over it anyway. Even publishing the damn thing and seeing it flop would be better than not publishing it at all, if only slightly. I haven’t taken any pictures lately, either. Wallowing luxuriously in a vat of self-inflicted misery is very Russian of me. Or perhaps it’s a more Chinese. Or maybe it’s just me.

Sword practice again tonight. The class has been becoming more and more unstructured lately, and I wonder if I am going to have to find another place to study. The combination of having a cold and the holidays has conspired to keep me from getting a proper amount of exercise for the past few weeks. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of some of that mystical goo my teacher calls Yu that builds up if one doesn’t move around enough.

My friend Mindcrime has updated for the first time since July. At least he’s still alive, and seems to be doing well at the writing-for-money thing, which is more than I can say. Mindcrime usually lands on his feet. Good on him.

posted by Poagao at 8:23 am  

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