Poagao's Journal

Absolutely Not Your Monkey

Oct 05 2001

A Haggendaz coffee-almond chocolate ice-cream bar,…

A Haggendaz coffee-almond chocolate ice-cream bar, followed by a box of black tea last night might have had something to do with the fact that I slept poorly last night. But I don’t think so. My sister messaged me last night just before I was going to get offline and go to bed. She told me that our grandmother has died.

My grandmother was a small, slight woman. She loved to cook, as I remember, when we visited for Thanksgiving or Christmas. My grandparents’ house in that little town in Oklahoma was the one place that remained constant throughout my childhood, as we moved back and forth across the country, following my father’s various jobs in the aerospace industry. When she was suprised she would exclaim “Good night?” She was a virtuoso pianist who had given up her concert career to be a housewife and mother to her kids while her husband was away fighting WWII in the Philippines. She fulfilled her musical nature in other ways, playing the piano at home or the organ at church.

The funeral is tomorrow morning, and even if I could find a flight and someone to fill in for me here at work, there’s no way I could be in Oklahoma in time. My brother isn’t going either, since his wife is going to have their baby very soon. I would like to go, but I have to admit the thought of flying to the US and trying to get through customs as an apparently non-Asian person with an ROC passport makes me just a bit apprehensive.

The weather has switched to fit my mood, rainy and cool. Dismal, lonely weather that seems to go out of its way to accentuate the holes in my life. The last few weeks have been trying, and I’ve been feeling not a little wrung-out recently. I was thinking that I really need a break, a vacation or something, but now I wonder if that’s all I need.

posted by Poagao at 8:32 am  

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