There was an unfamiliar guy sitting on the curb with everyone, away from our usual spot, which had been taken over by a rather amorous couple. Teacher X was talking with him, and pointed at me as I walked up, and the guy shook his head. Later, as I did some form work, he pushed with Weeble and things got a bit violent. I was glad it wasn’t me, to be honest, though it’s always interesting to practice with new people.

I practiced with Teacher X’s son, who is “serving” in the alternative service instead of military service. He’s put on some weight and is more flexible, but still relatively easy to get off balance. He’s a bit taller than me. Later on, Guo and Weeble were trying to shove each other over in an almost comical fashion, as Teacher X and I looked on from the curb. Teacher X was talking a bit more about our group’s history, how it was a combination of Yang and Wu styles thanks to Teacher Song’s studying not only with Zheng Man-qing, but also with the Wu teacher.

After Teacher X had left, I went through some sword form, while Guo and Weeble watched, disapprovingly. Guo took out his sword, which he has been studying recently, and gave me a few “tips”. “I am a more serious student, so I picked it up quicker, only two months,” he told me. Yeah, whatever, I thought. He tells me the same thing about tuishou. I’m not exactly sure why he seems to want to impress me. I don’t terribly mind being known as the worst sword student in the class as well as the worst tuishou student; it doesn’t really matter to me where I stand, as long as I’m still doing it.

The square between the opera and concert halls was awash with students and other young people, marching bands, military recruitment groups and dancers when I arrived on Saturday morning. Our usual spot was filled with other tai-chi practitioners, so I called Teacher Xu to find out where our group had gone, but he hadn’t arrived yet. I walked up the steps and found Mr. V sitting against the wall, and after a while NL guy walked up, and they began to wrestle among the hiphop dancers.

Teacher Xu and his son got there later, but the space was so filled with other groups there wasn’t anything for me to do but stretch until Teacher Xu got me and Mr. V doing tuishou. Mr. V was, shockingly, trying to be more soft and nuanced in his style, something I was really pleased to see from him, and I think he can do it if he applies himself. Maybe being thrown around and bruised by NL Guy had an influence on his attitude.

Afterwards, most of the people had cleared out, and I was able to run through my forms, which felt good after the claustrophobic feeling of the area earlier in the day. Heading off to Sababa’s for lunch after a decent workout is a good feeling.

I’ve been feeling tired lately, and have missed a few practices, so I decided I had to go to the CKS Hall practice on Saturday. That morning we were joined by belly dancers with little hand-bells. I worked a bit on my form as the No-lose guy and a newer student from a competition background went at it. That was a recipe for violence, I thought, and I wasn’t wrong. The competition guy got himself backed into all sorts of corners, and of course No-lose wouldn’t back down. At one point he was still going after the competition guy even after the latter was on the ground. I just had to shake my head at that.

Teacher Xu was telling us to concentrate on “rooting” our own feet and not to focus on the feet of our opponent. It does seem to help quite a bit; I think I can feel a difference, even when Teacher Xu is pushing me. I practiced with the UPS guy for a while, which was pretty useful. Then it was No-lose’s turn, and I managed to keep it as civil as I could, although he not only gave me a pummeling, he actually even went for my neck once, which I thought was pretty low. He even said to me, “You’re being too polite!” I refrained from telling him that I was being just exactly polite enough, and that he was the one who was being extremely rude. It wouldn’t have done any good, as he would then lecture me on how tuishou actually was supposed to be, etc.

Last up was Mr. V, who was completely, utterly inflexible. I mentioned this to him, and he softened up a bit, but he is still all about pure, unmoving rigid force. I find it strange that he can make this work, even after all this time, but somehow he’s managed.

After everyone left I went through my sword forms a few times. I felt better after practice, as usual. I need to do more work on my own.

The gang was all there when I got to the park. I talked with Teacher Xu while Mr. V, Guo, Weeble and none other than the Tree Root Master grappled with each other. TRM hasn’t shown up in a long time, so it was a surprise to see him. I practiced forms for a bit to warm up, not just for stretching but also to get my energy flowing, but by the time I was ready for tuishou the TRM said he had to leave. I suppose it’s just as well; practicing with him was very frustrating from what I recall the last time, which was a long time ago.

I practiced with Guo for a bit. Remarkably, he remained silent, and he was a lot more relaxed and less apt to pull quick pull moves. I didn’t get my pushing done, concentrating mostly on just flowing. I tend to pull back before attacking, though, which isn’t so good. But it’s been drilled into me that attacking is just asking to be attacked back with even greater force as my opponent takes my energy and projects it back at me. As long as I know this, it’s ok, but I’ve been on the receiving end of so many extra-violent counterattacks that it’s made me slightly hesitant. Oh, well, another thing to work on. It’s funny, actually; there are so many more terrible things in the world than other people, yet so many of us live in fear.

I practiced with Weeble for a bit, and then sat around talking with Guo and Teacher Xu, Guo compensating for his earlier silence by chattering on endlessly about various tui-shou-related philosophies. Teacher Xu said it might be helpful to envision one’s self as a puppet one is controlling, removing yourself from the equation. “Like sitting in a tree watching yourself!” Weeble added. We then practiced some shoulder techniques that weren’t quite tuishou, but potentially useful nonetheless.

I almost didn’t go to practice due to the threat of rain, but after another migraine, I figured I could use the exercise. Weeble, Mr. V, Guo and Teacher Xu were already there when I arrived, and the square was mostly dry. I practiced with Mr. V while Weeble and Guo went at it. They were very talkative, chattering unceasingly as they advised each other. Mr. V and I pushed silently. I concentrated on softness, letting myself be pushed into corners and trying to “relax” my way out, but it wasn’t working very well. I couldn’t envision my opponent’s backbone for some reason. Maybe I was just tired. Occasionally I would push back, but not often.

After Mr. V had to leave, Teacher Xu had me practice with Weeble for five minutes, and then Guo. Both were effusive in their praise, but I take it just like their criticism. I still have a long way to go, and it’s slow, but at least I’m still going.

The weather was perfect for practice this morning at CKS Hall. Teacher Xu and several regulars were there already when I arrived, plus the usual groups of dancing teenagers. I practiced the empty-handed form and got some good reminders from Teacher Xu. There’s so much to learn about every move, especially the slower you go, it seems like looking closer at a high-resolution picture and seeing more and more detail the closer you get. It just never ends. When I told Teacher Xu this, he said, “But you also have to remember to step back to see it as a whole, or you forget just what it is you’re looking at.”

I was going to do more formwork, but Teacher Xu said Mr. V and I should practice tuishou, so we did. I found him fairly easy to practice with today. I was concentrating mostly on staying flexible and soft, and keeping track of his spine. Both help a lot, I find. Usually when I am pushed into what seems like a hopeless position, relaxing and loosening up gives me a way out, and I’m slowly learning to do that sooner into the game instead of only realizing it when it’s too late. Hopefully with time it will become more of an instinct, rather than the default tenseness we are all born with in such situations. Often when I’m wondering which way I should apply a direction, visualizing my opponent’s spine reveals a direction that wouldn’t have occurred to me if I were just looking at him as a whole, so that helps as well, at least with some people. Pushing everyone is different. Last Wednesday Weeble kept trying to ask me who I though was the best student, and I couldn’t answer, and not just because it’s a meaningless question. Even if A is “better” than B, and B is “better” than C, half the time C is “better” than A. It’s just not that simple. But Weeble’s still at the stage, I guess.

After Mr. V, the little guy with whom I had a lot of trouble the first time I met him at Sun Yat-sen Hall so long ago wanted to practice with me. He’s a lot smaller than Mr. V, who is about my size and shape, and at first it felt like practicing with a large, inordinately powerful doll. I have to wonder if there’s a bit of Napoleonic Complex in there, but even though this time went a lot more smoothly than last time, he still cannot face “losing” a bout. Even after I’ve caused him to step back, he’ll keep on grappling and pulling instead of stopping like most students do. This, I thought to myself, is one of the consequences of acquiring a reputation. Tuishou and Taiji are, the more you get into them, more about the person you are than the techniques you study. At least it’s seeming more like that to me. You can memorize forms out the kazoo until you’re 90 years old, and still not understand Taiji. Not that I do, either, but I’m trying to approach it in what I hope is the right way.

Teacher Xu left, and an outsider joined us, an older man who grappled furiously with the No-lose guy while I tried to practice sword. We were being pushed, ironically in a most tui-shou manner, into a corner by the dancing students, who slowly moved into our area. One of them even came over and asked us how much longer we were going to be there. The person they assumed was in charge, however, was the older outside guy, who of course had no idea. Little Qin is the closest thing we have to a second-in-command, I guess, but he wasn’t there either, so Little Mountain Pig dealt with them the best he could. Soon, however, it became clear that if I kept practicing, sooner or later I was going to stab someone, probably by accident, so gave up. The old outsider guy said he liked the practice sword I was using, admiring the heft that makes it better than most practice swords. Little Mountain Pig chimed in as well. He always practices barefoot, for some reason. I should ask him why that is. I’d rather practice in shoes, as I’m usually wearing shoes in my daily life. I should wear more flexible pants to practice, however.

All in all, despite the annoying students and the lack of sword practice, it was a good session. Later, in the evening, I watched a group of people do some jogo de capoeira at Da-an Park, which was interesting. I’ve only seen videos of it, so this was the first time I’d seen it in real life. Lots of feet and leg movement, spinning and dancing, always hopping around to music surrounded by people, like a dance party, but the movements reminded me a bit of the monkey style.

I was the first to arrive in the park, by a long shot, at 8:30. Teacher Xu got there a bit later, followed by Weeble and Mr. V, who started practicing. I went through the empty-handed form a couple of times while they taught each other wrestling moves.

Teacher Xu interrupted their session with some advice. “Use about a third of the power you’re using now,” he said. “If you find you need more than that, relax and change the direction.” This had a visible effect on their practicing. Later, I pushed with Mr. V for a while. Mr. V’s style has evolved into a sort of quick, nervous patting as he tries to find pushing points. Once he thinks he has something, he clamps down like a robot. He’s a lot quicker than he used to be, but not much more subtle.

Then I practiced with Weeble, who was full of advice. Weeble spends more time teaching than being taught. He told me that he wanted to learn all styles and all levels, and he said I should join a competition. I couldn’t convince him that that was the last thing I wanted to do. The 1/3 advice from Teacher Xu had an effect on him as well; his quick shoves were less frequent than normal. We went on after Mr. V, Teacher Xu and his son had left, until Weeble got tired. He spends a lot of energy practicing. I didn’t spend much, and wasn’t even breathing hard. The night, for me, was all about being insubstantial. It sort of worked, I guess. At least it’s something. Lately I’ve been feeling that my practice lacks focus, but it’s probably because I’m distracted by so many other things these days.

Last Wednesday didn’t go well. I spent most of the night being shoved around by Weeble and Mr. Guo, who explained to me that it was due to their awesome skillz and experience and not quick, heavy shoving worthy of a schoolyard playground. It made me even more resolute to remain the worst student in the class, because it seems that once anyone gains any kind of respect for tuishou in the group, suddenly they “can’t lose” and their style becomes all force and no subtlety, so concerned they are with their reputation. But it also made me wonder at my lack of progress over the years. I never took it very seriously, in any case, and am not sure where I am going to go from here. I don’t look forward to classes as much as I used to, and I’ve often been too busy these few months to go. Maybe I’m trying to do too much. I dunno. We’ll see.

At class on the morning of the 9th, Teacher Xu showed me an article he found in a magazine about me. It took me a moment to realize it was one done last year that had only just been published recently. Of course, it included the usual embarrassing photographs.

I was rusty after so long between practices. I practiced with a new guy who kept falling down, making me use less and less effort. I wasn’t pushing him down, however. He just kept losing his balance. I went through some sword form, and then practiced with the UPS guy. It’s hard to push him as he doesn’t seem connected and is able to effectively isolate parts of his body. Pushing with him usually comes down to a simple matter of who has the furthest reach, and it’s a tie as he’s the same height as I am.

The veranda where we practice was permeated that morning by the smell of an ointment one of the older students had bought for aching muscles. Little Qin took a look and sniffed, “You got that on the street? I wouldn’t trust it.”

And that was Saturday. I got another cold, incredibly, and didn’t go to class again until last Wednesday, the 26th. It was just after the election, but nobody was talking politics. I was very tired and out of shape, and I’m afraid I used a little too much force. But not as much as another new guy, whose opponents seemed to be flying this way and that, especially Mr. V, who tends to do that anyway. Teacher Xu told me that the young fellow was actually a competitive pushhands athlete, so his ideas were rather different than ours. He introduced me to him, said, “Why don’t you two have a go?” and left.

Well.

I did manage to avoid being tossed around like the others. I had to keep my wits about me, to be sure. I didn’t dare directly attack, but instead relied on pushing him off balance when he was applying force, which he was doing more or less constantly. For the most part it was a tie, but also a contest to see who could lose track of real pushhands the most, and I think we both did a good job in that respect. He tired me out, though, in the end. I’m not sure if either of us learned anything from the experience, but at least I got a good workout out of it.

Whoo, it’s been a long time since I practiced. I was sick before the Chinese New Year break, and then I was in Japan for a couple of weeks, and then I was sick again. But tonight I finally went back. “We thought you’d disappeared,” Teacher Xu said when he arrived. Mr. You was also there, but just said hi before he had to leave to take care of his elderly mother, which is apparently why he hasn’t been practicing much lately.

Teacher Xu and I talked politics for a while, discussing the upcoming presidential election. He, like many pan-greens, was laboring under the illusion that US green cards have to be actively renounced with paperwork, and actually thought Ma Ying-jeou still has a valid green card, at least until I informed him about the true situation. But I’m not going to talk politics.

I started pushing with Mr. Hu, which was a good way to get back into practice because he’s generally pretty easy to practice with. I’m out of shape, though, I could tell as I got tired pretty quickly. I then started pushing with Mr. Guo, whose stance and attitude seemed peculiar to me. He was doing the whole “I’ll push you here with one hand and it’s obvious I could push you over if I wanted, but I’d like to see you get out of it” thing for some reason. I think while I was away he got the idea that he was really good at tuishou or something. But his technique still consisted of quick, sharp shoves with very little subtlety.

Next Teacher Xu told us some things. “Don’t push your opponent,” he said. “Sometimes one of your hands is pushing the other; other times you’re pushing the space behind your opponent.”

“So maybe I could visualize creating a vacuum behind my opponent?” I asked.

“Uh, maybe,” he said. I tried it a couple of time with Weeble, but didn’t get anywhere. Teacher Xu tells us a lot of things I have a hard time implementing; even if I intellectually understand the idea, often I can’t get it to sink in deep enough to work. I need to practice more, I suppose.

Next up Yang Qing-feng. I was doing alright with him; one time he did a grab on my wrist. “That’s like a police move,” I said, as he is a policeman.

“No,” he said. “This is a police move,” and before I knew it I was on my knees saying, “Ow ow ow ow” as he twisted my arm and wrist. He apologized afterwards.

After Teacher Xu left (his son’s gone to perform alternative service for a year), Qing-feng tried to get Mr. Guo and Weeble to tell him if his pushing was correct. I found this most bizarre, as Qing-feng’s not only been practicing far longer than they have, but he’s much better. But I suppose it’s a good attitude to keep learning from everyone, no matter their level. Mr. Guo really got into the teacher role a bit too much, however. Not that it makes any difference to me.

And thus my slow progress continues.