I’ve just figured out why, over the past few years…
I’ve just figured out why, over the past few years, so many weird-ass corporatespeak terms have been popping up all over the place. You know what I mean: things like “Creating communicative synergy” and “Providing total integrative solutions” and the like. My theory is that these phrases sound suspiciously like those half-nonsensical utterings of teenagers in the 80’s, guys like Bill and Ted. Now, this generation of slacker dudes eventually grew up and entered the work force, and in the past few years they have been attaining the positions where they are responsible for coming up with the new corporate catch phrases, and viola! You’ve got “Total synergy”! Go ahead, read your company’s corporatespeak with a half-sarcastic, half-drugged-out, “Bill and Ted”-inspired accent, and see if it doesn’t make sense!
I’ve also figured out that my keyboard needs a “the” key. A “sucks” key would be nice, too. Now, if you’ll excuse me, they’re cranking up “Ono Lisa” in the office next door. Alert the cleaning lady! It’s time to stain the carpet with blood again!
